Digital Tradition Mirror

The Old Irish State

(This score available as ABC, SongWright, PostScript, PNG, or PMW, or a MIDI file)
Pennywhistle notation and Dulcimer tab for this song is also available

The Old Irish State

I'll sing you a song of the old Irish race,
And the problems these poor people must face.
If you're asked who's got an IQ of 108,
It's the total points scored by the whole Irish state.

cho: With an urr urr urr urr, and an arr arr arr arr,
     They come from a-near and they come from afar,
     To hear our heroes and also to see,
     Who am the next one a-going to be.

Now Patrick was screwing for over an hour,
When he stopped and said to his girl in a glower,
"You've got nothing on top and nothing below."
She said, "Get off my back, you silly old crow."

Now Sean was a student at the top of his form,
"What's 4 and 4?" said his mother, when he was at home.
"Seven," he replied. Said his father with glee,
"He's such a clever lad, he only missed it by three."

Mrs Riley went shopping for anti-perspirant,
"For my husband," she said, "you know what I want."
"It's the ball type you're after," said the shopgirl, "I think."
"No, for under his armpits is where the bugger do stink."

"The defendant, did he rape you?" said the judge to Anna.
"Yes he did," she replied in her most demure manner.
"And to the best of your knowledge, did he have a climax?"
"No, a Japanese Mazda, them be the facts."

Now Mary O'Toole a gynecologist had seen.
He opened her legs and peered in between.
He said, "When did you last have a check-up in here?"
She said, "I've only had Hungarians for over a year."

"Pilot Murphy to control tower, I want to come in."
"Control tower to Murphy, instructions begin.
What's your height and position, you stupid old runt?"
"I be five-foot-nine tall and I be sitting in front."

Mrs O'Leary buried her husband, but her friend had found
That she'd left his bare arse sticking out of the ground.
"Why'd you do that, I've never seen such like?"
"Well, when I visit the grave, I can park me bike."

Well the Jews tell us that they're God's chosen race,
But it could have been our fair land in its place.
For God went a searching, he looked all around,
But three wise men and a virgin just couldn't be found.


Melody_Villikins and His Dinah
CB,PW
                                                 apr96

Thanks to Mudcat for the Digital Tradition!