Billy the Squid (Tom Chapin & John Forster, 1992.) In the sagas of under-sea outlaws, And the great soggy deeds that they did, The saltiest thief ever swam down a reef Was an outlaw named Billy the Squid. From the Grand Bank he'd stolen sand-dollars And escaped on a sea-horse named Sid. He took from the selfish and gave to the shell-fish That great-hearted Billy the Squid. In the Pink Coral Lounge -- that's the sand-bar Of the former Miss Lake Champlain -- A beautiful mollusk, a real living dollusk Her name it was Clammity Jane. And the dive was as hard as a barnacle. It was real barracuda to reign, Where groupers and grunts pulled unsavory stunts, Which was tough on poor Clammity Jane. One night through the door swam a stranger. To the corner he squirted and slid. All the fish in the room grew as hush as a tomb When they saw it was Billy the Squid. Well, he had not come there for a hold-up Or for personal criminal gain. He said, "I've come on a mission. I've come here a-fishin'. I've come for you, Clammity Jane." He said, "Damn it, Clammit, I've hurt you. I've caused you some pain. This I know. But before it's too late, I'm gonna go straight, Or as straight as a squid can go." So he asked for her hand, but she had none, And to prove it, she opened her lid. She said, "How 'bout a foot?" and her foot out she put. "It's a beauty," said Billy the Squid. So he gathered her up in his tentacles. Into the sunset they rid. She said to him, clammily, "Let's start a family." "Yahoo!" said Billy the Squid. So then they moved to the submarine suburbs, And when they found that they could not have kids, They adopted three guppies and four dogfish puppies, And a whole bunch of clammits and squids. In the sagas of under-sea outlaws, And the great soggy deeds that they did, There's a clam who prevailed where the sheriff had failed, When she captured bold Billy the Squid. [As sung by Iain MacKintosh.] JD July01
Thanks to Mudcat for the Digital Tradition!